People are talking about how to stop bullying. But the obvious elephant in the room is how to help those children who are driven to such desperate measures that taking the lives of others feels like the only option. As adults we cannot really communicate with the kids directly as it’s often considered adults just being condescending to them. So the reality is, we NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME COMMUNICATING WITH OUR KIDS. Not just about asking if they are bullied, but if they know if others are.
It’s not just a matter of our own kids and what they do that we should be concerned about. The Native Americans’ believed that raising a child was a community effort. And even though you might not think it’s your responsibility to take care of others’ kids, it is important to stop and think about those others kids and their capability to feel safe. Because those children not feeling safe leads to these desperate non-logical thinking events in an attempt to eliminate threats to themselves and that safety they need, including your child. So that means we as parents really have to be concerned as much about the happiness and well being of those children around our child, as of our own.
For example, when my son was being bullied in the 1st grade, instead of approaching the parent to address the issue, (being a former bullied child myself) I knew a few of the reasons that might drive a bully to do what he does, which includes feeling unsafe or wanted. So I invited the child to my son’s birthday party, despite my son’s asking why because the kid didn’t like him. Not only did the bullying END, but they became friends after that. Bullying issue all but ceased after that. My son told me just today says he regrets asking why I wanted to do that, and is grateful I taught him this important lesson. He now applies this thinking of how others might be feeling to those around him at his new school.
Obviously dependent on the age, the options of what a parent can do to address bullies changes. Before 4th grade the group play dates is an option, but after that, it becomes more a matter of helping bullied kids feel less alone. Because as a bullied child, it’s when they feel completely alone and the only way to protect themselves is to FIGHT BACK is when issues like lately occur. The easiest way to help your child be safe, is encourage them to get to know the “odd ball” kid who might not seem to have a lot of friends.
Now there is two trains of thought here. First off this encouragement helps that bullied kid (formerly me) feel less alone and safer in their environment, so at least they know someone cares if they live or die. Secondly, this getting to know others different from them helps your child learn to accept and welcome others that are different than their usual group of friends.
But as parents, ultimately we can’t do this for our kids, we need to teach them to do it for themselves. So stop and think the next time you are riding in the car talking about bullying and how wrong it is. However wrong the act of bullying might be, the best way to fix the problem is to help not only your child but the other children, by helping them feel less alone. So encourage your child to talk to the “odd ball” kid. Maybe suggesting they start a conversation about how bullying sucks/is stupid. Give them an easy starting message to get the ball rolling. Because it’s important to help ALL children, not just ours be happy and feel safe in their schools.
Another one of Life’s Secret But Still Abridge Manual’s tips
A student blows up at a teacher, drops the F-bomb. The usual approach at Lincoln – and, safe to say, at most high schools in this country – is automatic suspension. Instead, Sporleder sits the kid down and says quietly: “Wow. Are you OK? This doesn’t sound like you. What’s going on?”
He gets even more specific: “You really looked stressed. On a scale of 1-10, where are you with your anger?” The kid was ready. Ready, man! For an anger blast to his face….”How could you do that?” “What’s wrong with you?”…and for the big boot out of school. But he was NOT ready for kindness.
The armor-plated defenses melt like ice under a blowtorch and the words pour out: “My dad’s an alcoholic. He’s promised me things my whole life and never keeps those promises.” The waterfall of words that go deep into his home life, which is no piece of breeze, end with this sentence: “I shouldn’t have blown up at the teacher.” Whoa.”
what a radical idea yo
Bam. Kids “misbehave” for actual, real, valid reasons. And have feelings.
Excellently said. I stand by this 100%.
A question so many people ask themselves. Trying to justify their experiences, their trials, their suffering. The answer is simple: to be. The infinite possibilities of our life and choices we can make, will we turn left where we end up meeting the person who will inspire us to become our best and happiest. Well we go right where we are hit by cross traffic and die. Our do we go straight and find out lives simple and difficult. Or lastly will we go backwards and repeat the same mistakes that lead us to go back into the same place we were? We can choose our life. It isn’t always going to be perfect. Might not even be great, but it’s our life and we can learn from our mistakes and start to make things better. We just need the determination and self reflection to do so.
For those with chronic conditions that might need monitored I recommend keeping a log book. With each entry you want to put the date, time (approximate or exact if at all possible), symptoms, duration of symptoms, changes in symptoms (severity or new/gone symptoms), if there is pain to be documented you want to use a pain scale of 0-10 documented with a designation as “PS:”, if it is chronically increasing pain condition (very, VERY RARE) I would also use “OPS:” as a description of what you think it USED to be in comparison to the new variants based on the symptoms now and what they used to be accompanied by, weather status as well as the pressure levels which can be found at http://www.wunderground.com is one site that provides this information can be beneficial information to explain some things.
Also for the over head record you might want to consider this recommended information by the U.S. National Library of Medicine
You should keep track of any diagnosed medical conditions because your doctor will only have records of what you tell them or they “analyze” in their office. But only you know your body and we all have to take control of our medical conditions as best we can.
In fact, you may have many charts at several doctors’ offices, any hospitals, and/or emergency care offices across many states. To keep track of all this information, it’s a good idea to keep your own records.
Information to keep in a personal health record should be:
- Your name, birth date, blood type and emergency contact
- Date of last physical
- Dates and results of tests and screenings
- Major illnesses and surgeries, with dates
- A list of your medicines, dosages and how long you’ve taken them
- Any allergies
- Any chronic diseases
- Any history of illnesses in your family
Death is something to plan for starting birth. But even if you wait, it’s always a good idea to try to decide what you would want done if your near death, such as car accidents, strokes, and other events which might take your voice. Can you be happy if you only regain your ability to speak, use hands, one hand, only use a machine to speak, or all your body functions controlled by a machine for an extended time. What if that time is 2 hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades? If it helps, picture what you were doing that long ago…. If you lived none of it and suddenly woke up and missed it ALL. Would you be happy?
The next part is the hard part. DISCUSSING this with friends and family. Because with no voice they may have to. And don’t just speak to one or two. WHY? Because if they are in the car with you, they might be in the same or worse situation.